Why LGBTQ advocates aren’t concerned by CT’s lack of gay bars – CT Insider

Turns out, that might be a good thing.

David Kleman has owned Partners, a gay bar in New Haven, for about 25 years. It’s been around for almost 50.

But back in the ’80s, Kleman worked the bar and has, for more than 40 years, watched how the nightlife culture for the LGBTQ community has shifted in Connecticut and around the country. Kleman said he remembers a time when gay bars were a refuge for a marginalized community that was often physically and verbally assaulted.

“Years ago, if you were gay you just wouldn’t walk into some place, so you would go to a gay bar or a leather party or a drag show,” Kleman said. “We get married now and have kids. We’ve been integrated in society very well.”

According to Out Leadership, an LBGTQ business network, Connecticut ranks second in its LGBTQ+ Business Climate Index of LGBTQ friendly states.

In the ’80s, Kleman said, Partners clientele was almost entirely gay. Now he said there’s a near-even split. He said that’s because the LGBTQ community isn’t as marginalized in Connecticut as it is in other parts of the country.

“Be careful what you wish for,” Kleman said with a laugh. “In Connecticut gay people are comfortable going everywhere. Gay people are more comfortable walking into any club or any bar.”

And he’s not alone. Titus Abad, a 29-year-old gay man from New London County, said gay bars in Connecticut are somewhat of a dying breed because mainstream culture has become more accepting of the community. Which, he said, was always the goal.

“There’s a question of do we really need the ‘gay bars’ anymore,” Abad said. “We have more rights than we used to. And we had to fight for them. The generations before us paved the way. We don’t need the gay bars as much because we’re not physically threatened the way we used to be — though it still happens. We are equal and that’s what gay bars have always been about. But now other bars are doing that as well.”

Kleman said many of New Haven’s nightlife establishments are now owned by people in the LGBTQ Community and the tolerance for intolerance is nearly non-existent within the nightlife scene.

“The thing is,” Kleman said, “straight people are more comfortable with us too. When more people come out, it makes it easier for people to understand the different communities. [The nightlife scene] is good right now. People are accepted everywhere. Business is good and people are out. I don’t we need to see much of a change. But to stay consistent as things around are a little unsettling.”

Kleman said change for the worse is “on a lot of gay people’s minds” following Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas’ concurring opinion in a ruling that overturned the abortion and privacy protections of the Roe v. Wade decision.

Thomas said the court “should reconsider all of this Court’s substantive due process precedents, including Griswold, Lawrence, and Obergefell.” Those are key cases that established protections for things like a couple’s right to access contraception, same-sex intimacy and same-sex marriage.

That, Abad said, is part of why gay bars still hold an important place in an incrementally accepting society. Abad grew up in Groton, one of Connecticut’s smaller cities. He came out at 18. Being able to have a known safe place where he was surrounded by likeminded individuals or those who had walked similar paths, was crucial.

“I struggled with it (coming out) in high school. Once I did, though, I felt pretty welcome,” Abad said. “But it took time. I was always able to find solace and community at local coffee shops in downtown Mystic or The Brass Rail (a now-closed gay bar) in New London. It was imperative for me to have that.”

While Kleman says “old-time gay bars” like Partners are still around, LGBTQ inclusion has become part of the bar and restaurant scene. In Norwalk, Troupe 429 offers near daily drag shows at the gay-owned establishment. Owner Casey Fitzpatrick credits shows like “Ru Paul’s Drag Race” with propeling the scene forward while allowing people to better understand and respect the art of drag.

As for the future, Fitzpatrick wants to see more of that inclusivity.

“I grew up in Connecticut, and plan to raise my family here. I’d love to see more small businesses owned by queer people,” Fitzpatrick said. “The individual towns of Connecticut should support and encourage this, and there needs to be more programs to help our community.”

Abad agrees. He said New London has embraced drag as well with performances by the Sea Queens at Port of Call in Mystic or drag shows at Dockside in New London.

“Seeing that happening in Mystic, seeing places open and have drag performances is so exciting,” Abad said. “I’ve always said Mystic needed two things — a tattoo shop and drag or a gay bar. Now it’s like more places are waking up where they don’t necessarily need a gay bar, but these drag shows are popping up.”

Still, Abad worries that people will view the LGBTQ community as a monolith without accepting the intersectionality of the many smaller communities that make its whole. He hopes to see more LGBTQ events and inclusion beyond drag shows.

He said as long as rights remain under attack, and even if Connecticut can be safe place for many, efforts at inclusion and understanding should abound.

“Just because someone might be transgender doesn’t mean they love drag,” Abad said. “People get boxed into this idea of what gay is and what trans is. I want there to be more businesses willing to showcase and have outreach, poetry readings, bands, anything our towns and government can do. Even a little helps.”

Below, check out five gay bars and drag clubs in Connecticut.