Respect for Marriage Act: Gay marriage up for debate again? – USA TODAY
As our guests gathered at the hillside arbor gate, I squinted out the window from our dressing room and strained to hear any sign that the ceremony had begun. I realized in that uncomfortable quiet we probably should have asked the wedding coordinator to let us know when to enter. Oops.
As my already-tense nerves tightened, I turned to the man I was marrying and saw that he was in even worse shape than I was. He assured me he wasn’t getting cold feet, just feeling the breath-shortening rush that comes with such a big moment. Still, I worried he might pass out.
So I grabbed his hands and looked him square in the eyes to express again in private the love and commitment we were about to affirm publicly with our family and friends. When we saw our guests turn toward us, I assumed it was go-time and opened the door. We walked briskly down the aisle hand in hand.
Monkeypox isn’t a gay disease: But LGBTQ leaders say they need more help.
We were actually already married at that point. We had gotten the paperwork out of the way at city hall near our home in New Hampshire, making us lawfully wedded husbands a week before we traveled to Missouri for the ceremony and reception. That was in 2019.
It’s mind-boggling now to think about how our decision to tie the knot in New Hampshire rather than Missouri might matter for the future legal status of our union.
Uncertain future for our rights
Same-sex marriage is just as legal today in Missouri as it is in New Hampshire and every other state, thanks to the U.S. Supreme Court’s 2015 ruling that marriage equality is a constitutional right.
But the court’s recent about-face on abortion shows the new conservative majority isn’t afraid to overturn settled precedent. Justice Clarence Thomas came right out and said the court should “reconsider” its same-sex marriage ruling and other decisions that, like the abortion case, relate to fundamental privacy rights.
Gays and lesbians have been allowed to wed in New Hampshire since 2010 because the state legislature recognized we deserve that right. Missouri’s legislature, however, did not take a similar course.
If the Supreme Court tosses Obergefell v. Hodges onto the same heap where Roe v. Wade now rots, states like Missouri could one day be allowed to reimpose their same-sex marriage bans, just like they are reimposing their abortion bans right now.
After abortion ruling:Democrats must meet Republicans in the Middle … Ages
A good friend of mine officiated our ceremony in Missouri in 2019, so we asked her to remind our guests that the marriage they came to celebrate would not have been legal there less than five years earlier.
It never occurred to us to tell our guests that marriage equality could be taken away again less than five years later.
Even if our marriage isn’t invalidated, reviving a state-by-state patchwork of same-sex marriage bans would almost certainly impact our rights. And it would certainly curtail the rights of other LGBTQ couples seeking the legal protections of marriage.
This isn’t a tricky question
I was heartened to see the U.S. House of Representatives pass a bill Tuesday that would codify same-sex marriage rights into federal law. Forty-seven Republicans joined a unanimous Democratic bloc to send the measure to the evenly divided Senate – where its odds of survival are far from certain.
While I understand that Democrats see a political upside in forcing Republicans to vote now either for or against marriage equality, I also find it absolutely baffling that a significant number of our elected leaders still struggle with such an easy question.
Representatives were effectively asked Tuesday whether they want to affirm the status quo for LGBTQ people, and 157 members of one party responded by saying they would rather preserve the possibility of revoking basic marriage rights from people like me. What the hell?
Call 988:Finally we have a three-digit suicide prevention hotline
This comes as certain Republicans act like they’re competing for the ignominious title of “most obviously transphobic lawmaker” for 2022. Maybe more LGBTQ people would consider voting for Republicans if fewer GOP leaders were hellbent on misrepresenting and vilifying our kind.
Too many prominent voices on one side of the aisle have shouted, “You’re not welcome here” – and they’re not just talking about their political party.
Heavy clouds weighing us down
My husband showed me a series of frank text messages he sent last week to a few of his close friends, who are men married to women. He told them how surreal it is to be gay in America these days and how the possible threat to marriage equality makes him feel less secure.
The man I married carries himself with the kindhearted confidence and unshakeable optimism that every husband should strive for, so it pains me deeply to see his outlook dimmed.
Maybe if I grab his hands again, look him square in the eyes and tell him over and over how much I love him, then our breathing will ease just long enough.
Maybe our marriage and the rights of other couples will forever remain unscathed. Maybe everything will be fine.
Maybe.
Steven Porter is assistant opinion editor and member of USA TODAY’s Editorial Board. Follow him on Twitter: @reporterporter
