OPINION – Rob Rinder: Coming out is a bizarre ordeal for gay people; let’s make it history – msnNOW

June 27, 2022 Kim Martel

The rainbow parade hits London this weekend at the end of a glorious Pride month … I hope I’ll see lots of you out there shaking whatever you feel comfy shaking (and putting sequins on everything else).These last few weeks have had me reflecting on all sorts of issues involving the LGBT community and our allies. Mostly, I’ve been thinking about “coming out” and those many varied journeys people take through the closet doors… especially those who’ve shown particular courage in doing it.

In fact, when you stop to think about it, the whole notion of “coming out” is bonkers… it’s bizarre that gay people have this extra stage of life in which they declare what type of person they’d most like to see in the nip. For those who roll their eyes about why this is still important, remember that many people still have to experience outing themselves in private, then a second time at work.

I suppose it seems so odd because for most of my friends someone’s sexuality is about as important as the size of their big toe — that’s as it should be.

But for too many, coming out is still a profoundly difficult and painful experience — if they manage to do it at all. There’s probably a good few reading this column for whom saying who they love could lead to ostracism or violence. It’s desperate.

It can also be a terrible struggle for those working in the public eye. In sport, say, or politics or entertainment, newbies are told that unstraightness will ruin their chances: it’ll lose them fans or votes or some other shiny opportunity. I almost understand the warped logic underpinning it — after all, there are swathes of the world (including parts of Hollywood) that remain deeply conservative. So most never come out — or just stay “in” until they enter the “lifetime achievement” stage.

They’ve been forced to strike a cruel and terrible bargain: exchanging the right to live their truest lives for a shot at professional superstardom. They are yet more victims of a society that continues to say it’s not OK to be gay.

But good news arrives all the time. Jake Daniels — a footballer for Blackpool — came out last month at 17 (it should boggle every brain that he’s the first openly gay player in British football since Justin Fashanu). It’s staggering to think of a teenager being so brave. It feels like every few weeks a younger actor or politician or sportsperson says they’re gay — and does it when the received wisdom is probably still that it’ll hamper their careers.

Alongside them, we can’t forget those who did it back when the world was even less tolerant. They are true pioneerswho paved the way for everyone who followed — like Elton, Martina Navratilova or Chris Smith and the rest. I recently walked the first ever Pride route with Stuart Feather, who 50 years ago went with a group of a gay men and women and held a kiss-in surrounded by police. Now there’s a hero indeed.

Let’s hope the idea of “coming out” will soon seem like something from ancient history. Happy Pride!

In other news…

Last week, my mug appeared on a poster alongside the magnificent Sue Perkins, for the Marylebone Festival in Manchester Square — it was there alongside the Orion Orchestra … of which I am president. It is, without doubt, the best orchestra on the planet (I’m not biased), and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. It does amazing work with young musicians and brings concerts to everyone, whether you’re a working-class kid from Southgate or grew up with Brahms for breakfast and DvoÅák for dinner.

Loads of schools showed up to watch Sue conduct and yours truly narrate Prokofiev’s magical Peter and the Wolf. Most of the kids got to hear an orchestra play live for the first time and were transfixed.

Classical music is for everyone — and Orion is ensuring we all hear it. Encore!

Register now for one of the Evening Standard’s newsletters. From a daily news briefing to Homes & Property insights, plus lifestyle, going out, offers and more. For the best stories in your inbox, click here.