Opinion | A plea to conservative Christians on gay marriage – The Washington Post

That word “inevitable” is laughable to those who spent years fighting for marriage equality against what once seemed prohibitive odds. This outcome did not look foreordained when writers such as Andrew Sullivan in the 1990s and, later, Jonathan Rauch laid out the moral case for same-sex marriage. The idea seemed doomed in 1996 when Congress, with votes in the House from 224 Republicans and 118 Democrats, passed the Defense of Marriage Act defining marriage as being between a man and woman.

And in truth, opposition to marriage equality has not disappeared. Most Republicans voted against the Respect for Marriage Act. And the Supreme Court’s conservative majority seemed inclined during oral arguments last week to rule in favor of a graphic artist who is an evangelical Christian and does not want to create wedding websites for same-sex couples.

Most of the arguments over the case focus on what granting a religious exemption from an anti-discrimination law would imply. Allowing Lorie Smith, a Colorado designer, to decline the business of same-sex couples, Justice Sonia Sotomayor noted, would mark “the first time in the court’s history” that it permitted a commercial business open to the public to “refuse to serve a customer based on race, sex, religion or sexual orientation.”

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Sotomayor and the other liberal justices are right that there is no obvious limiting principle for when religious convictions should allow exemption from anti-discrimination laws. If this exemption applies to same-sex couples, why not, for example, to interracial couples? Or to couples from different religions? Or for couples who opt for civil rather than religious marriages? Why not to other forms of discrimination that have nothing to do with marriage?

But such questions also invite us to examine the case from a different perspective: Why do conservative Christians want this exemption in the first place?

That question is neither naive nor rhetorical. Many traditionalist Christians view homosexual relationships as sinful. I think they are wrong, but I acknowledge that this is a long-held view. Yet many of the same Christians also view adultery as a sin. Jesus was tough on divorce. “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder,” he says in Matthew’s Gospel.

But unless I am missing something, we do not see court cases from website designers or florists or bakers about refusing to do business with people in their second or third marriages. We do not see the same ferocious response to adultery as we do to same-sex relationships. Heck, conservative Christians in large numbers were happy to put aside their moral qualms and vote twice for a serial adulterer. Why the selective forgiveness? Why the call to boycott only this one perceived sin?

What we are seeing in the opposition to same-sex marriage is less about religious faith than cultural predispositions. American attitudes toward homosexuality have certainly changed radically but so have our attitudes toward racial and gender equality. Are not these moves toward greater openness all expressions of the equal, God-given dignity of every person?

We hear from our conservative friends about the importance of family values, and I heartily agree. Healthy families are good for society, for children and for social justice. But we straight people have done a heck of a job of wrecking the family all by ourselves and, in any event, supporting same-sex marriage is to stand for, not against, stable, loving, lifetime relationships.

I hold religious freedom as a high value and see religion as, on balance, a positive social force. (Yes, the latter view is increasingly controversial among people who share my politics.) I support well-crafted legal exemptions to protect the autonomy of religious institutions and the free exercise of religion. But these cannot become a defense of discrimination — in the marketplace or in our legal system.

So I have a respectful suggestion for traditionalist Christians who run businesses that cater weddings: Joyfully do the work that same-sex couples hire you to do, and witness your faith by gifting them a copy of the New Testament. It teaches us that “God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.”