Man Backed for Skipping Sister’s Wedding to Go to Gay Club – Newsweek
A man was praised by commenters for skipping his “homophobic” sister’s wedding to go to a gay bar with his boyfriend.
The Original Poster (OP), known as u/throwaway363738839, posted about the situation in Reddit‘s “Am I The A**hole” forum where it received more than 9,700 upvotes and 1,200 comments. The post can be found here.
Homophobia Within Families
According to guidelines prepared by Dr. Caitlin Ryan for the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), acceptance from an individual’s family can protect LGBTQIA+ individuals from substance abuse and depression.
An individual who is openly accepted by their family for their gender expression or sexual orientation often feels higher self-esteem, social support and better overall health, Ryan said.
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Research has also found that individuals who face family rejection are about 8.4 times more likely to report attempting suicide and 3.4 times more likely to engage in unprotected sex compared to peers who face low levels of rejection.
‘AITA?’
In the post titled “AITA for skipping my homophobic sister’s wedding to go to a gay club?” the 23-year-old man said he grew up idolizing his older sister, 29.
When the OP was 14 years old, he came out as gay. He said his sister was always supportive of him but that their relationship changed after she met her now husband in college.
“He grew up in a very traditional Christian household,” the post read. “They met at a frat mixer at Bama (she was in a sorority, he was in a frat).”
The OP said that despite his sister always being supportive of him, she has always been “neutral” regarding politics. But after meeting her now husband, she would get “visibly uncomfortable” if the OP talked about guys.
“One time when her fiancé was on Facetime with us, I mentioned a Tinder date with a guy, and she told him I was joking,” the post read. “We sort of grew apart as we got older.”
After moving to California for college, the OP said he still called his sister but never spoke about his love life.
Although the OP did not really know his sister’s partner, he said he was happy for her when he proposed.
“They set the date for a year later. A few months after, I met my current boyfriend of 8 months,” the post read. “Coincidentally, I found out that my BF’s birthday was also the day of my sis’s wedding. We talked about this in advance and decided to celebrate his birthday on a different day.”
‘The Last Straw’
Although the OP’s sister knows about his boyfriend and said he was allowed to bring a date, she seemed “somewhat distant” during the rehearsal dinner.
“At one point, I could see her fiancé looking toward my BF and me and whispering, ‘they’re going to make me and my family uncomfortable,'” the post read.
After the dinner, the OP’s sister pulled him aside to say he shouldn’t bring his boyfriend to the wedding because it is being held in a traditional church and she wanted things to be a “certain way.”
“I was pretty offended, and I asked her why she had a problem with me being gay all of a sudden,” the post read. “She said it was fine that I was gay, but I shouldn’t force it on everyone else. That was the last straw.”
The OP said his boyfriend was hurt and that he decided neither of them would attend the wedding. Instead, they decided to go out to a gay club for his birthday. He texted his sister the morning of the wedding to say he would no longer be a groomsman because he was not attending.
The OP said his sister did not reply and that they have not spoken since.
“I felt guilty for missing my sister’s wedding, and I know I’m not blameless here: we were close for so long that it hurts regardless of what she said to me,” the post read. “But I felt so invalidated during that rehearsal dinner, and I made a decision, and I can’t undo that.”
Although he thinks he owes her an apology, the OP said he deserves an apology from his sister.
“Is it time to cut her off for a while, or should I be the one to apologize?” the post read.
Redditor Reactions
More than 1,700 users commented on the post, many supporting the OP for not attending his sister’s wedding.
“NTA. Your sister & her husband do not accept you and your partner for who you are,” one user commented. “Instead, they want you to fit into their picture of what the wedding should look like. They are pretty intolerant and obviously homophobic.”
“Her comment about you ‘forcing it on everyone else’ is bonkers,” another user commented. “I find it heartbreaking that she allowed this bigoted homophobe and his family to change her views and ruin her relationship with you…a gay club sounds much more fun than a wedding with guests who judge you for whom you love.”
“Sis needs to own being a bigot just as much as her new husband and his family,” another user commented.
“She chose a homophobic man because she’s a homophobe,” another commented. “Her ‘don’t rub it in peoples faces’ is rich since you’re going to a wedding where they’re rubbing their hetero relationship on everyone there.”
Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway363738839 and Dr. Caitlin Rose for comment.
Other Viral Posts
In another viral Reddit post, a man was praised for coming out to his “homophobic” family at his sister’s wedding while a couple was criticized for refusing to let the groom’s dad bring his husband to their wedding.
In another viral post, a man was backed for uninviting his brother for planning to wear a rainbow tuxedo to his wedding.