Loving Sally Ride, The First American Woman In Space : Short Wave – NPR

June 23, 2021 News Editor

MADDIE SOFIA, HOST:

You’re listening to SHORT WAVE from NPR.

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SOFIA: I was just a little kid in elementary school when I first learned about Sally Ride, the first American woman to go into space in 1983.

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UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: T minus 10, nine, eight…

TAM O’SHAUGHNESSY: You know, June 18 is the 38th anniversary of her flight – just shocks me. I remember being there, and it’s just – it’s unbelievable.

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UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: Ignition and lift off. Lift off of STS-7 and America’s first woman astronaut…

SOFIA: Tam O’Shaughnessy is a science writer, educator and advocate. And she knows Sally Ride probably better than anybody.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: You know, if I had to list almost the labels that she liked, she was an athlete, she was a physicist, and in fact, being a physicist was her favorite. You know, it’s who she thought she was, a physicist. And then, of course, she was an astronaut. And it’s true that she became a role model for other girls and young women around the world who thought, wow, if Sally Ride can fly in space, you know, maybe I can, too. Maybe I want to be an astronaut. Maybe I want to be a scientist.

SOFIA: That passion for championing STEM education for kids, especially girls, was something Tam and Sally shared. And it’s what led them to co-found Sally Ride Science in 2001, a company focused on equity and inclusion in science education. But there was much more to Tam and Sally’s relationship. See, they met as kids in the early ’60s and developed an instant connection. Years and years later, they fell in love.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: You know, I almost have a picture of Sally in my mind, standing in our living room in La Jolla. And she’s got on, you know, like, an old T-shirt that’s kind of pulled over to one side. Her hair is kind of combed but kind of wild, you know, a pair of shorts and barefoot. She loved going barefoot. And she’s just standing there, utterly relaxed, utterly comfortable in her skin. And, you know, she just – you know, I just love – I loved looking at her when she was, you know, like that, when she wasn’t intense and working hard or, you know – but she was like that a lot. And I just – I loved that, you know, that she could be there with me in each moment.

SOFIA: Today in the show, we take an intimate look at their 27-year partnership, how they met, fell in love, the pressures they faced as a queer couple and their long-awaited and public coming out with Sally’s death in 2012. I’m Maddie Sofia, and this is SHORT WAVE, the daily science podcast from NPR.

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SOFIA: Tam grew up in Southern California and started playing tennis when she was young. She was pretty good and played in junior tournaments throughout the state. That’s where she met Sally and eventually played against her.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: And Sally and I just sort of – we wanted to be talking and getting to know each other. We could – we didn’t care about the tennis match. And so any time – you know, in tennis, every odd game, you change sides of the court. And we would sit on the bench, drink water, twirl our rackets and talk for a long time instead of, you know, let’s keep playing the match. And our parents were like, you know, what are they doing, you know? But I actually think that, you know, from that young age, we – there was just this – we liked each other. There was a connection. And we enjoyed spending time together.

SOFIA: Tam and Sally became fast friends. In fact, Tam says she barely remembers winning that first game. That wasn’t important. Though, I should say here, Tam did go on to train under Billie Jean King – no big deal – and tour as a pro. So anyways, eventually Tam went off to Atlanta to study biology and Sally went to get her Ph.D. in physics and then on to NASA. Tam was at Sally’s first launch. And they kept in touch over the years. But it wasn’t until they were in their early 30s that they realized they wanted to be together.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: You know, I had realized that I was gay a few years earlier, and I never thought of Sally kind of romantically. And then we just started spending time together. She would come to Atlanta for a few days in between training and giving talks and being a famous astronaut. And, you know, it’s sort of like one late afternoon, it’s just – it’s like I thought about her differently and I could tell that she did, too.

SOFIA: What was that like? I have to imagine that was kind of – I mean, I can imagine that it was kind of exciting and nervous, you know, to go from being friends and neither of you necessarily knowing each other – I mean, had you come out to her before that?

O’SHAUGHNESSY: You know what? It was kind of a magic moment. We had – you know, what we – when she came to town, we just get tons of exercise and just talk, you know, talk about her experiences in Houston and we’d had talk about the old tennis days. And I’d talk about biology and we’d talk about what we wanted to do in the future and, you know. And just this one day, we’d gone for a long walk. We’d gone to the pizza parlor, we walked back to my house and we’re sitting on the couch and and, you know, my dog, my old cocker spaniel, missed me, so I just sort of petted her. And when I – and I suddenly felt a hand on my lower back, just a gentle – and it was like, what? You know, it gave me the chills. It was just like, you know, what? And I looked back and it was just like, you know, Sally was in love with me. And in that moment, I realized that I was in love with her, too. So it was – you know, it – I guess it was, you know, growing maybe in bits and pieces over a long time. But it was really that moment that it was like, oh my (laughter), you know? Yeah, it was just a special moment.

SOFIA: Yeah, absolutely. OK. OK. So you and Sally weren’t public about your relationship for a long time, and I read something that you wrote that mentioned that part of the reason you weren’t publicly out is because the organization that you started together depended on corporate sponsorship. What was it like for you to have to navigate making decisions like that?

O’SHAUGHNESSY: So the first long while that we were together, you know, we invited each other everywhere. We were not verbally open. Well, Sally was not verbally open with friends and family. I was.

SOFIA: Yeah.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: But I would wonder what people were thinking. And, you know, it was awkward sometimes for me.

SOFIA: Yeah. Yeah.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: I did want to be more open. And, you know, when Sally retired from NASA, she moved out to California, and I shortly thereafter moved out to be with her, too. And so we were both professors. And it naturally would have evolved that we became more open about our relationship, but then we decided to start Sally Ride Science. And then that made us go back kind of. OK, get back in the closet, you know, except for friends and family because we were dependent on corporate sponsorships. And we just didn’t think that Exxon Mobil, General Electric – you know, you name it – Lockheed Martin would sponsor us if they knew that two of the founders, especially Sally, that Sally and I were together.

SOFIA: That had to be hard.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: It was. But then you know how you – you kind of get used to stuff, too.

SOFIA: Yeah.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: And we worked so hard. We just worked. You know, we loved building the company and to build something and try to make a difference.

SOFIA: Right.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: You know, it was exciting and fun.

SOFIA: Yeah. You know, I have – because of the work of folks like you, I haven’t had to necessarily be quite as closeted. But I certainly remember what it was like to put parts of my identity aside to be able to do a thing that I really believed in and that thing being really exciting and lovely. But there’s something about it when you can’t be your full self that is really difficult.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: You know, it’s interesting, Maddie, because I think it was much harder for me than it was for Sally. And we were actually at a conference announcing our new books. And, you know, I noticed that Sally did not feel well and her cheeks were slightly yellow. We realized something was wrong with her, so caught the next plane home, and she got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So we still weren’t out and then – but Sally, as she got sicker and sicker – and I went to every doctor’s appointment with her and she just – she suddenly started saying – you know, a nurse would say, let’s go back to the doctor. And I’d try to go with her. And then the nurse would say, well, who are you? And then Sally would just kind of look at her with that look Sally could give and say, she’s my partner. So she finally kind of said the words.

And a couple of weeks before she passed away, I told Sally that I wanted to have a big celebration, not like a funeral, not like a sad thing, but a celebration of her life and who she was with all our friends, our very important colleagues, you know, her astronaut buddies, her high school – you know, everybody that we could think of. And then I just started thinking, it’s like, OK, so we’re going to have this big event that I’m going to organize, and who am I to – I mean, many of the people know we’re a couple, but most of them don’t.

SOFIA: Yeah.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: And so I went back upstairs and sat on Sally’s little hospital bed and just said, you know what? You know, who am I going to be in the world? And she kind of thought about it for a second. And she was just lying down, you know, her hair completely shaved but just looking adorable (laughter) I might add…

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O’SHAUGHNESSY: …Salt and pepper little crew cut. And she said, you decide. Whatever you decide will be just fine, you know. You decide. And, you know, that put me in shock, you know? So I kind of ran downstairs and Sally’s sister Bear was staying with us and one of our good friends. And I just – I said, you wouldn’t believe what Sally just told me. And, you know, what should I do? I don’t know what to do. I want to protect Sally. I want to protect NASA, you know. And both Bear and Karen said, tell the truth. That’s who you are. That’s who Sally is. And, you know, basically wrote an obituary about Sally and so on; so, you know, I made it clear that, you know, she and I were a couple for 27 years and, you know, I’m being left behind. Her mother was being left behind, Bear, nieces and nephews and so on. And that just took off, like, you know, when she passed away because most people didn’t know she was ill. Very few people, you know, in general knew that she was gay. So it was really Sally telling me to do what I thought was best and then my friends helping me realize that I needed to be true to myself. And it changed my life, and I wish Sally could experience that, though.

SOFIA: Yeah. Yeah. So after Sally passed away, you know, you had kind of come out as a couple in her obit. There were a few big public recognitions of your relationship.

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BARACK OBAMA: Sally didn’t just break the stratospheric glass ceiling. She blasted through it…

SOFIA: President Obama decided that Sally should receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom and that you should accept it.

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UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: Tam O’Shaughnessy accepting on behalf of her life partner, Dr. Sally K. Ride.

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SOFIA: I mean, it doesn’t get much more public than that, Tam. What was that experience like?

O’SHAUGHNESSY: First of all, I love President Obama and for him to be brave enough, I think, and just do the right thing. You know, Sally’s mother could have received the award, her sister, her former husband, you know, whatever. And he selected me. It was an amazing experience. But I do wish, you know, I just – gosh, I wish Sally had been around to see all this stuff and to experience, you know, kind of our authentic selves, as Billie Jean would say, you know. And I love that phrase actually, you know? Be who you are. Don’t cover it up.

SOFIA: OK, Tam, I really, really appreciate your time and your generosity and your openness. Your work and Sally’s work is a huge part of what brought me here and what brought me to interview you. And I’m just so thankful for your work and for your time. So this was wonderful.

O’SHAUGHNESSY: Thank you. And you know what? You’re a great interviewer.

SOFIA: (Laughter).

O’SHAUGHNESSY: Well, I’m sorry, but, you know, just take it. Take it. Take it in.

SOFIA: (Laughter) Thank you. Thank you.

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SOFIA: This episode was produced by Brit Hanson and fact-checked by Indi Khera. Viet Le was our editor. I’m Maddie Sofia. Thanks for listening to SHORT WAVE from NPR.

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