How a Gay Couple’s Journey to Start a Family Led to New Legislation: ‘It’s Very Emotional’ – Yahoo Entertainment

June 25, 2021 Kim Martel

Gary McDowell (left) and Zachary Marcus

After meeting his now-husband 10 years ago, pediatrician Zachary Marcus says the two knew pretty quickly that they wanted to have children together.

But as a gay man, Marcus also knew that starting a family wouldn’t be without its challenges.

Still, he dreamed.

“As a younger gay person, you think about what the future holds and you know lots of things are changing,” he tells PEOPLE. “And you sort of hope that, by the time something comes up for you, that things will be better. We’ve actually been very lucky in that respect.”

In the decade since Marcus and Gary McDowell met, much has changed about how LBGTQ people are treated in America: When they were first engaged, the Defense of Marriage Act was still the law of the land, meaning a ceremony was at the time out of the question. It also meant that McDowell, who is British, couldn’t get a green card via their union.

Within a few months of their engagement, however, same-sex marriage was legalized and, in 2013, the two became the first same-sex couple to get married in Rhode Island, where they lived at the time.

The road to a family after their wedding hasn’t been so easy.

Steven Senne/AP/Shutterstock From left: Gary McDowell and Zachary Marcus are presented with their signed marriage license by Providence Mayor Angel Taveras at City Hall in Providence, Rhode Island, moments after Taveras presided over the couple’s marriage ceremony in 2013.

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Steven Senne/AP/Shutterstock Zachary Marcus (left) and Gary McDowell kiss for the first time as a married couple.

The couple now live in Chicago where, until only recently, insurance law dictated that fertility treatments are only covered for women who are unable to conceive after one year of unprotected sexual intercourse. That stipulation leaves out many Illinoisans – including gay couples and single women – who are trying to welcome a child.

After researching the issue, Marcus says he came to realize that the cost for him and his husband to have a child via surrogacy would be roughly $150,000, including genetic testing, fertility drugs, compensation for the woman who would carry the child and the costs of in assistive reproduction.

Insurance, he tells PEOPLE, would pay for none of it – which wouldn’t have been the case if he were straight.

“I looked into what my insurance coverage was at my employer and if I were straight, it wasn’t not great coverage [for fertility treatments] but since I was gay, I didn’t even have access to sub-par coverage,” he says.

With no solution in sight, he called his representative: a freshman state representative named Margaret Croke.

Steven Senne/AP/Shutterstock Gary McDowell (left) and Zachary Marcus wait in a meeting room at City Hall in Providence, Rhode Island, moments before their marriage ceremony.

Croke, who says she got into politics to work with constituents, tells PEOPLE that taking Marcus’ call tapped into one of her biggest passions and resonated at an especially important moment in her own life.

“I like picking up a phone and fixing someone’s problem,” says Croke, a Democrat. “And this was personal for me.”

Croke, who was elected in November, decided to run for office when she was eight months pregnant. She gave birth to son Patrick Jr. (now 14 months), during her campaign – a series of events she now describes as “a little bit wild.”

“I personally did not have to go through this journey of fertility treatments but I was pretty raw when I got the call,” she says.

When she got the call from Marcus, Croke had a 4-month-old baby herself and was struggling with postpartum depression and the fatigue of having just run for office.

“Even all through that, I was very happy,” she says. “He’s the love of my life. I would stand in front of a bus for him.”

Croke continues: “We always hear individuals saying, ‘We want to have good parents in the world.’ Well, here we have a pediatrician who wants a child more than anything, and in a stable, two parent household, you don’t get to have a child because of this law.”

Illinois state Rep. Margaret Croke (left) with son Patrick Jr.

Following her conversation with Marcus, Croke got to work, meeting with fertility activism organizations like RESOLVE, a national lobbying group that helps craft legislation around issues of fertility.

Shortly after taking office, Croke introduced legislation to expand fertility treatment coverage to include same-sex couples, women over 35, single women and women who cannot get pregnant naturally due to a medical issue.

As the bill made its way through committees and advanced from the state House of Representatives to the state Senate, Marcus and Croke stayed in touch.

“We would communicate by email to sort of catch up, and I followed the General Assembly website, which lists votes and co-sponsors. I would frequently check the website and watch the bill change over time,” Marcus says.

For her part, Croke was thrilled – both that she could help constituents like Marcus and McDonnell and that she would soon see her first piece of legislation signed into law.

“It was my first bill that I’ve ever stood up and talked about, which was really a moment of ‘I’m nervous,’ ” she says with a laugh. “You know, first day on the job, presenting to the class.”

Following what Croke calls “spirited debate” from a handful of lawmakers who were focused on how such a mandate might impact small businesses or how it could lead to some sort of underground market for embryos (an idea Croke dismisses), the measure passed the legislature.

In May, Marcus says he was “thrilled” to see a message on the website about the bill’s passage.

“My husband is a relatively new American. He became a U.S. citizen about five years ago. So we frequently talk about government and politics at the dinner table,” he says. “This is sort of an extension of that, in a very personal way. Sitting at the dinner table and hoping this would pass.”

Steven Senne/AP/Shutterstock Gary McDowell (left) and Zachary Marcus display their newly obtained marriage license at City Hall in Providence

Croke says it gave her “an overwhelming sense” of how the law can work in someone’s life.

“It’s very emotional,” she says. “This is that real, true grassroots sort of politics. It’s not as simple as getting your potholes fixed. But with time and work, the better the outcome.”

She says she anticipates the measure will be signed into law by Illinois Gov. J. B. Pritzker this summer.

And when it does, Marcus says he and McDonnell will likely begin the process of starting a family.

“I’m not an elected official, and to have some small part in making that happen means the world,” Marcus says. “If for whatever reason this new law doesn’t benefit me, I think I’m just so proud that it will benefit somebody.”