Hildenborough Olympic legend Dame Kelly Holmes comes out as gay – Kent Live
Dame Kelly Holmes has revealed she’s gay and has spoken of the years of torment she faced while hiding her “real self”. The legendary Olympic gold medallist and Hildenborough resident decided to come out at 52.
Kelly, who also had a 10 year career in the military, has decided to break the news on her terms after a brush with COVID in 2020 and a subsequent breakdown she said made her realise she no longer wanted to keep her sexuality a secret.
In an interview with KentLive‘s sister paper the Sunday Mirror, she said bottling things up triggered breakdowns and left her suicidal. Years of self-harm included one episode at the World Championships.
Read more: Dame Kelly Holmes’ quiet life in Tonbridge and home she shares with pet alpacas
“I needed to do this now, for me. It was my decision. I’m nervous about saying it,” she said. “I feel like I’m going to explode with excitement. Sometimes I cry with relief. The moment this comes out, I’m essentially getting rid of that fear. There have been lots of dark times where I wished I could scream that I am gay – but I couldn’t.”
Kelly, who dated boys while growing up in Hildenborough, was 17 when she first realised she was gay after a female comrade kissed her. Fear of being prosecuted – at a time when LGBT+ people were banned from the Forces – forced her into silence. Her barracks were raided in a search for proof of same-sex relationships.
Speaking of her fear of retrospective action for breaching Forces rules, she said: “I was convinced throughout my whole life that if I admitted to being gay in the Army I’d still be in trouble.”
A fellow soldier kissed her at the bathroom block and, says Kelly: “I realised I must be gay then, because it felt good. It felt more natural, I felt comfortable.” Kelly wrote to her stepdad – whom she has always thought of as her father after her real dad walked out when she was a baby – to explain what had happened.
(Image: Kent & Sussex Courier)
Kelly had secret relationships with other female soldiers during 10 years in the Army – risking court martial if they got caught.
“Everyone knew who was gay, but you’d never talk about it,” she says. “There was this pub that had a back dance floor and a pool table and everyone we knew was gay used to go to this place. You could be yourself, then come back to your barracks.”
When she was 23, Kelly’s quarters were searched by Royal Military Police in a check which she believed was to root out secret lesbians. She was left terrified, recalling: “They pulled everything out of your cupboard, turned out the beds and drawers, read letters – everything – trying to catch us out, so we could be arrested, court martialled and potentially go to jail.
“It’s humiliating, it’s degrading – it feels disrespectful when you’re serving your country and you’re doing a good job. You feel violated, treated like you’re some massive villain.
The rest of her family were supportive when she came out to them in person in 1997. Close friends have also known for years is gay. She has a partner and, while she doesn’t want to give details, she smiles and says: “It’s the first time I’ve had someone who I don’t introduce as a PA or friend.”
Kelly dated a woman between the ages of 27 and 32, but broke it off in 2002 so she could focus on the Athens Olympics. Sport had long helped her cope with the strain of hiding her sexuality. But by 2003, aged 33, she was plagued with injuries and her mental health plummeted. “When I got injured or ill I would cry all the time because all I needed to do was get back running, because if I didn’t get back running my brain was just going mad,” she says.
“I’d think, ‘No one talks about it in the sport, how do I suddenly say I’m gay? I can’t because I’m admitting that I broke the law in the Army’.”
Feeling desperate, she cut herself with scissors before the 2003 World Championships finals in France.
She recalls: “I was in a holding camp bathroom and literally wanted to scream so loud, I put the tap on to dull my tears. I did not want to be here any more. I cut myself on the arms and legs because I felt I had no control over myself. It was a release. Yet at the same time I had this pull to succeed, thinking, if I win gold it will all be OK.”
Kelly won silver the following day – and still did not seek help. She feared being pulled from Team GB if she asked about taking antidepressants.
Kelly was made a Dame in 2005. In 2018 she became Honorary Colonel of the Royal Armoured Corps Training Regiment – which she saw as “another barrier” to speaking out.
After COVID and a mental breakdown in 2020, Kelly contacted a military LGBTQ+ leader to ask if she could still face sanctions for her Army relationships. The advocate assured her she would not.
“I felt like I could breathe again,” Kelly sighs. “One little call could have saved 28 years of heartache.” It helped her take steps to open up publicly. In January this year she started making Being Me, a documentary about her experiences.