Here’s what gay and lesbian bars used to be like – The San Diego Union-Tribune
Boyne (she/her) is retired owner of Boyne Tax and Bookkeeping and lives in Bonita.
It seems to me, as an 88-year-old lesbian, that things were much easier for people in the gay community several decades ago.
Of course, we had to keep our sexual preference secret from the “straight” community, but we didn’t associate with the straight community much either. At work, lesbians dressed as the other women did, and if there was a party thrown by the company, we always had one of the gay guys to accompany us as our boyfriend.
We returned the favor when they needed female companions.
The bars were different, too. We had “girl bars,” which catered to lesbians, and gay men were not encouraged to go to them, unless they were with one of the lesbians. The gay guys had their own bars, and lesbians were not encouraged there.
The police did not bother most of the bars. And we had a good time.
There were women who felt male, and they were called butches in our community, and their female girlfriends were called fems. Many of the butches dressed quite masculine but still considered themselves women. Some of the lesbians refused to be identified as either butch or fem, and that was OK, too.
The patrons at lesbian bars had pool and softball teams that played against patrons from other lesbian bars, with those from the losing bar furnishing the beer. Most of the bars were just beer bars, and mostly lesbians spent time with each other. House parties were all lesbians, and some RV travel clubs were mainly lesbian and open to straight women who wanted to join in, but most women who participated as members were lesbians. Some of the lesbian bars had talent shows, and some of the women were really good. I once saw Melissa Etheridge sing in a lesbian bar in the San Fernando Valley in the Los Angeles area. I don’t recall exactly what year it was, but it was before she was famous. And, of course, the bars were where you met others who might turn out to be your life partner.
But we also had gay camping clubs for both men and women, a gay tennis club for both men and women, and both lesbians and gay males were invited when a big event happened in your life, i.e., a house warming or party for reaching a significant age.
In the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s, the social event of the year for lesbians was the week of the Dinah Shore golf tournament in Palm Springs. Women flew in from all over the country for that week. It was party, party, party, the entire week.
Many women never got to the golf course. The guys had their own big party in Palm Springs at another time.
There was no gay marriage nor even talk of it. We were committed to our partners and people were identified by who they were with, i.e., Pat and Brenda, rather than last names that most of us didn’t know.
Although lesbians and gay men didn’t always socialize together, we all considered ourselves part of the gay community, and we would come to each other’s aid if necessary.
Today members of the LGBTQ community are under attack. I feel so bad for people just going to their bar to have a few drinks and meet their friends only to have someone come in and shoot them. Even for those who were not shot, their entire world was destroyed.