Family flees Texas over anti-LGBTQ attacks – Austin American-Statesman
“You’re taking away my baby and my grandbabies.”
My dad’s words nearly crushed me. Even though we were on the phone, I could tell he was holding back tears. He has always been a tough guy, but he wasn’t prepared to hear that his first-born child, daughter-in-law and grandsons were moving across the country in search of a safer place to raise our family amid escalating anti-LGBTQ hostility in our home state of Texas.
Our Texas roots run deep. My wife, Cheralyn, and I were both born and raised in Texas. I was born in a small town named Robstown, and my wife was born in Fort Worth. Texas has always been home to us – so much so that when the opportunity arose for us to move back to Texas after a brief stint in Colorado, we took it.
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To us, Texas meant Sunday dinners and impromptu family reunions, and we wanted our children to have those same experiences.
Of course, the complexity of being a Black LGBTQ parent in Texas is something that we’ve dealt with since the day we decided to start a family. We were turned away from doctors’ offices and adoption agencies. We’ve faced “But which one of you is the mom?” questions from nosey neighbors, school administrators and even agents at the Dallas passport office.
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Time and time again, our validity as parents – and as a family – has been questioned and minimized, as if we are playing an imaginary game of house, holding no legal rights or privileges. For some time, it felt like just something we had to deal with. But lately it’s felt nearly impossible and, frankly, downright unsafe.
Texas lawmakers attacked trans youth last year with bills that would prohibit gender-affirming care and restrict trans student athletes from participating on teams that align with their gender identity.
In late February, the Texas governor issued a directive ordering the Department of Family and Protective Services to investigate parents for child abuse who provide medically necessary gender-affirming care to their transgender children.
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Officials already have vowed to introduce a bill in the upcoming session that, like Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay or Trans” law, would effectively keep discussions of families like mine out of my children’s classroom. The climate is getting increasingly hostile for LGBTQ+ people and families and, absent a major change in the upcoming elections, there is no end in sight.
LGBTQ families who fear for their safety
As the anti-LGBTQ rhetoric spills out from the state’s elected officials, we’ve watched it cascade down to the masses. Neighbors are reporting neighbors who have trans kids, and anti-LGBTQ protesters are infiltrating our beloved gayborhood to protest drag shows.
As the CEO of Family Equality, the leading national organization for LGBTQ families, I’ve heard from so many families like my own who are facing the near impossible reality of needing to flee their home state in search of safer communities for their children. I am grateful that my family has the privilege to leave the state, but I can’t help but think about those we are leaving behind. I know firsthand that many families wish to go and cannot – families who fear for their safety or that their child will be taken away, but feel trapped due to financial constraints or other circumstances.
Even for those of us who have the means to pick up and leave, it’s not easy. My wife’s career is in Dallas, which means we must navigate a “new normal” traveling back and forth to make it work. My family is leaving the only home we’ve ever really known, and, in doing so, we are leaving our trusted network of family members and friends we can call on at a moment’s notice to help us navigate the latest scheduling change or travel conflict.
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Seeking freedom for our kids
More than anything, I really hope that our sacrifices are worth it. I hope that as our boys start third grade at a new school in a new community, they can focus on learning rather than on correcting their teacher for assuming they have a dad.
I hope that on the playground, they can talk about our family adventures proudly and freely, without any laws that seek to shame, silence or even punish them for doing so. I hope I can walk down the street holding my wife’s hand without fear, and I hope that the people with the power to shape our day-to-day lives understand they work for all citizens and all families, not only the straight ones.
No matter what happens as my family settles in to Washington, D.C., I know one thing is certain: We’re getting to work. Because it’s going to take all of us voting, contacting our elected officials, sharing our story and supporting organizations like Family Equality to create a world where all LGBTQ families are respected and protected the way they deserve to be.
We will continue to fight until this country achieves true family equality, so future families don’t have to go through what my family did.
Stacey Stevenson (she/they) is the CEO of Family Equality, a national organization dedicated to advancing lived and legal equality for current and future LGBTQ+ families. She lives in Washington, D.C., with her wife and two sons.