Do you want a wine with that Rhine? – GAY TIMES – Gay Times Magazine

The décor is modern but not so modern that it would scare anyone. This is elegance but low-key elegance, not the in-your-face variety you get on the mega-cruise ships. A little spiral staircase with a chandelier your next door neighbour might have, a lounge with muted-colour modular furniture and a huge digital screen (they use the silent disco headphones and huge digital screens to do movie nights under the stars up on deck on balmy evenings) and a restaurant with tablecloths and shined-up glassware, even if there is a more casual café-style bit if you can’t be arsed to dress.

People who have never been on a cruise always turn their noses up. In the industry, they joke that people think it’s for the ‘newly wed, the overfed and the nearly dead’ but this TUI iteration seems geared towards, well, everyone. You can imagine coming with a bunch of mates and having a right lark but if you just went as a couple, you’d at least get talking to everyone else: it’s kind of the law when you’re cruising. And it’s a toe in the water if you’ve been thinking about taking the big-boat plunge. Those huge sea-going ships can be overwhelming, though you soon get used to it.

I mean, look at my mum. Her gateway drug was this exact same cruise back when the Rhine was first invented and now you can’t get her off a ship, not even for a day excursion.

For more information or to book go to tui.co.uk/river-cruises, visit your local TUI holiday store or call 0203 451 2688.