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‘Do I have to pretend I like girls?’ First openly gay K-pop idol Holland didn’t want to deceive fans, rejected by agencies as result – AsiaOne

Kim Martel

When K-pop singer Holland released his first single Neverland in 2018, he wanted to relate Peter Pan’s fantasy land where nobody grew old to a place free of discrimination. 

The openly gay idol’s stage name, too, was a nod to the country where same-sex marriages were first legalised, and played on the similarities in pronunciation between ‘Neverland’ and ‘Netherlands’. 

Being so open about his sexuality, however, didn’t do him any favours when it came to looking for management.

On the Dec 2 episode of the Get Real podcast, the 26-year-old said: “I wanted to join an agency, so I was a trainee for a tiny bit. I wanted to talk about [my sexuality], me being open about it is how I wouldn’t deceive my fans, and I could tell my stories.

“But when I brought it up, Korean talent agencies didn’t sign me.”

But faking his sexuality was never an option for Holland.

“I couldn’t breathe if it didn’t come out, it was so stifling,” he said. “Do I have to pretend I like girls? So weird, right?”

So after six months of searching in vain for an agency, Holland made his debut as an independent artist, creating his album while working part-time in a cafe. 

His time studying photography in the Seoul Institute of the Arts helped him, since he had learnt arts marketing there, and he even scoured Instagram for someone to shoot his music video “with the bit of money” he had.

Get Real is a podcast on the Dive Studios YouTube channel hosted by BtoB’s Peniel, former Ladies’ Code singer Ashley Choi and K-indie artist Junny. Former guests included Exo’s Chen, Jay Park and Got7’s Jackson Wang.

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When asked about how the K-pop world received him when he released his first song, Holland turned the question onto the hosts: “Did any of you hear about me when I made my debut?”

Junny, who is Korean-Canadian, responded: “I was already open-minded because I’m from overseas, but from what I knew about South Korea, when I heard about your debut, I thought it was cool.”

Ashley, who was raised in the US, interjected: “It’s cool, but things must be tough for him.”

“I thought I’d be heavily criticised once I made my debut, but a lot of people supported me,” Holland agreed. “I also intentionally didn’t read rude comments.”

Attacked in public

While Holland may have received positive feedback to his music, the publicity has also made him a target of violence.

Earlier this year in May, he shared on social media pictures of a long cut on his nose and revealed he had been the victim of a homophobic attack on a night out with his manager and a friend.

“A male stranger approached me and hit me on the face twice, calling me ‘a dirty gay’,” he tweeted. “Now I have a scar on my face and I’m going to the hospital soon.” 

“This is obviously a hate crime,” he continued, adding that he should not need to expose himself to violence just because he is gay.

He reported it to the police and revealed in an interview that his assailant pleaded guilty to all the charges Holland brought against him, and that his friend had video evidence that helped the case.

Thankfully, homophobia hasn’t stopped Holland from living his best life.

In a recent tweet on Dec 2, he revealed that he met pop icon Lil Nas X.

“Just cut this part out… I really wanted to have sex with him,” he said in a video. “I said ‘hello’ but he was so busy.”

This didn’t stop Holland from shooting his shot, though.

When the 23-year-old American singer told Holland he had a “good hairstyle”, Holland recalled: “I told him, ‘Give me a kiss’ or something like that. ‘Please kiss me!’”

While Holland didn’t get his kiss from Lil Nas X, the latter did like the tweet, so there may be hope for him yet.

ALSO READ: Is the Left and Right music video with BTS’ Jungkook about a gay relationship? Charlie Puth responds

drimac@asiaone.com

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