Date Lab: He was ‘a pleasant surprise’ – The Washington Post
As Scott recalled, they had a “five-minute conversation.” Logan’s recollection is that they were “briefly introduced” but may not have even spoken directly. But the group that coordinated the party stayed in touch over text, and Scott and Logan were included. Both described it as one of those extended friend galaxies where you can be on the thread without knowing everyone else well, or even really at all — until fate or, for instance, a magazine’s matchmakers, set you up on a date.
Logan, a UX designer, signed up for Date Lab after taking a much-needed break from dating when a relationship that started just before lockdown ended in March last year. “I’ve mostly been a long-term serious dating relationship person,” he said. “Honestly, I was a very insecure young gay man who always felt like I needed to be with somebody.”
He endured the post-breakup struggle — “I cut my hair and bleached it like every homosexual that has a panic attack” — but spent his year of singledom making new friends, getting into psychotherapist Esther Perel and changing his dating perspective. As he reentered the dating scene, he went out with someone who’d done Date Lab. “So, I signed up as a lark,” he said. “Why not? Sometimes you need to do things for the plot.”
He wasn’t all that specific on what he’s looking for, only saying he wants to feel “that my life is more enriched from having [that partner] be there,” and that he won’t date conservatives. “Deep down I have a type: a hot camp counselor. Eager and fun but also very hot on the [down low].”
Scott, a consultant, has been in D.C. since September and hasn’t dated much since his arrival from Boston, where he went to graduate school. “I’ve just been figuring out my social life here,” he said, though if he’s being honest, he hasn’t “ever been super-proactive about dating.” At dinner recently, a friend told him she was a Date Lab fan. He figured the column would push him to follow through. He signed up while they were eating and was matched soon after.
“It would be kind of nice to have a long-term boyfriend,” Scott said. “[But] I’m a very independent person.” He described himself as “driven” and “on the serious side,” seeking someone similar. “I think a really extroverted person would exhaust me.” He’d like to find someone who “has a plan and knows what they want.” (And he cares that a romantic partner “works out regularly,” as he does.)
The night of the date, Logan was the first to arrive at El Secreto De Rosita on U Street NW. He did some minimal date prep — checking his beard line, consulting a friend on his outfit, which had “a very standard queer vibe” — and showed up 15 minutes early, to avoid fretting about running late. By the time Scott arrived just a few minutes late (in a tight short-sleeve button-up borrowed from a friend, who had also advised on first-date etiquette because Scott was feeling “rustier”), Logan already had a glass of sparkling wine in hand.
Immediately, they realized that they’d met before. For Scott, it was “a pleasant surprise” to see the “cute” Logan again. For Logan, the memory took some of the air out of the date: “I don’t think I was particularly interested because … I had already made that assessment” at the party.
Over a three-hour dinner, they bonded over some shared interests — there was decent overlap in the anime, comics and manga arena — and explored what they didn’t have in common. Scott, a self-described “pretty science-y person,” was intrigued by Logan’s artistic nature and how Logan’s career “merges his passions.”
But Scott was turned off by Logan’s lack of interest in food: “He [said] he just eats to sustain himself,” said Scott, which doesn’t align with Scott’s desire to find someone who wants to try new restaurants with him. And Logan felt like Scott was “very interested in knowing my life goals, and I feel like I didn’t potentially have a good enough answer for him in the moment.” (Logan used to be more of a rigid goal-setter, he said, but it wasn’t bringing him happiness, so he’s “just been vibing and enjoying my life.”)
As the date ended with a hug, Scott asked if Logan wanted to share Instagram accounts — they weren’t already following each other. They added each other and left. “I definitely did enjoy the date and would be willing to go on a second,” said Scott, but that closing interaction “didn’t give off ‘I’m interested in doing this again.’ ”
“I think he seemed like a very sweet guy, [and] it was great to have a deeper conversation with him,” said Logan. “[But] the spark was not there from the get.”
Rate the date
Logan: 2.5.
They exchanged messages, but there was no second date.
Editor’s note: Because of privacy and safety concerns, Date Lab allows participants to be identified only by their first names.
Jessica M. Goldstein is a regular contributor to The Post’s Style section.
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