Can You Wear White To A Gay Wedding? – Guestofaguest.com

It’s 2021. By now we all know that most wedding traditions, from the lifting of the veil to the bouquet and garter toss, are rooted in patriarchy, heteronormativity, and weird, outdated superstitions about marriage. But when it comes to even the most modern of modern ceremonies, one rule still reigns supreme: Wedding guests do not wear white (or any of its variations). It’s tied to the idea that the spotlight should be on the bride’s own white gown (itself a tradition dating way back to Queen Victoria). Questionable ideas about purity and virginity aside, wearing white to someone else’s nuptials seems like an obvious no-no. 

Unless, of course, there’s no bride to potentially compete with. 

Let’s take, for example, Olivia Palermo donning a white Giambattista Valli number to the wedding of Simon Huck and Phil Riportella this weekend. Although the dress was punctuated by a pink floral pattern, a social butterfly such as Olivia would know that the poofy silhouette and overall color of the gown would place it in the “faux pas” category of wedding guest attire. However, she clearly wasn’t the target of any ire from the grooms, so does this mean the rule is officially allowed to be broken?

Well, not so fast. Even at same-sex or nonbinary weddings not involving a bride, there’s still the etiquette of the thing to consider. 

As Steven Petrow, author of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners and The New Gay Wedding, told ELLE, “Here, you have a whole different set of characters, but you have the same rule: You don’t want to take the spotlight away from the two grooms getting married.”

Lizzie Post, the great-great granddaughter of etiquette authority Emily Post, also advises against eschewing tradition. “Just because there’s no bride doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respect the fact that the rules would’ve been there,” she told Jezebel on the matter.

The bottom line, it seems, is to always err on the side of caution, even if you don’t think the couple will mind. As fabulous as Olivia’s designer frock was this weekend, it was nevertheless a wedding guest gaffe.

Good thing she had a backup ensemble for the reception…

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