BYU’s queer athletes share what life is really like on campus – USA TODAY
Mina Margraf, a bisexual gymnast, said she heard an anti-gay slur at BYU for the first time in the summer of 2021, when she was a newly enrolled freshman at the Mormon school in Provo, Utah, and in a car with two BYU baseball players.
They drove past a church where people were waving the pride flag and holding posters in support of gay rights, according to Margraf, who said the scene prompted one of the baseball players to act.
“He rolls down the window when he sees them and just screams (the slur) and then said something like ‘(expletive) you’ and then (the slur).
“Then he turned around and he looked at me and said, ‘Sorry, Mina. I love gay people, but it’s so funny to make fun of them.’ ”
Margraf, now a 19-year-old sophomore who had come out as bisexual earlier in that year, said at least one of the baseball players also used the N-word. She said she reported the incident to BYU administrators and that the baseball players were required to attend meetings about the issue, but she is unaware of any other discipline.
“We strongly condemn the use of hate speech and slurs and reiterate that all students should be treated with respect, an expectation that aligns with university values and Church teachings,” Whitney Johnson, associate athletic director for student-athlete development, diversity and inclusion at BYU since February 2021, said in a series of written responses provided by the athletic department to USA TODAY Sports.
“I was able to meet personally with the student-athletes involved in this behavior that was inconsistent with our values. Since the time these incidents took place, disciplinary action was taken, educational opportunities were provided and no further reports of problematic behavior from these student-athletes has occurred.”
Since the incident, Margraf said, she has heard another BYU athlete use an anti-gay slur in public. She said she would not identify the athlete by name or sport because of the sensitivity of the matter.
Margraf’s allegations gained resonance last year at the private school owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and with an enrollment of more than 34,000.
First, Rachel Richardson, a Black player on the Duke women’s volleyball team, said she and three Black teammates were racially heckled during a match on Aug. 26 at BYU. BYU said its investigation uncovered no evidence corroborating the allegations, but about five weeks later, members of the University of Southern California women’s soccer team made similar allegations.
Less than two weeks after the volleyball match, BYU students were among protesters who yelled homophobic slurs at LGBTQ students during an off-campus gathering, according to an Associated Press report and other media outlets.
“BYU is a place where any sort of marginalization just gets exacerbated,’’ said Charlie Siragusa, a gay volleyball player who played at BYU from 2017 to 2019.
Siragusa, who after his sophomore year transferred to the University of California, San Diego, and has graduated, also told USA TODAY Sports, “So much of what occurs (at BYU) is just like covert homophobia or racism.’’
The school’s honor code specifically addresses LGBTQ students.
Any same-sex romantic behavior – including going on a date, holding hands and kissing – is a violation of BYU’s honor code. Violations of the honor code can result in disciplinary action, including expulsion from the school.
“Same-sex romantic behavior cannot lead to eternal marriage and is therefore not compatible with the principles included in the Honor Code,” Elder Paul V. Johnson, Commissioner of the Church Educational System for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, wrote in 2020 in an effort to clarify the school’s policy.
The policy has not been updated since 2020.
USA TODAY Sports requested interviews with Tom Holmoe, BYU’s director of athletics; Johnson; Shawn Olmstead, BYU’s head coach of men’s volleyball, and Trent Pratt, BYU’s head baseball coach. The school provided statements to USA TODAY Sports only from Holmoe and Johnson.
The challenges for athletes who identify as LGBTQ are emerging from the shadows at BYU. In addition to Margraf, three gay former BYU athletes spoke to USA TODAY Sports.
During her freshman year, Margraf said, she had “full faith” the athletic department was trying to foster change when it held training that addressed inclusion and diversity. But this school year, there has been no such training, according to Margraf, who did praise Johnson for her work in diversity
“I definitely feel a lot more discouraged,” Margraf said. “I want to represent that change we’re trying to make. Except I don’t think there’s enough being done to make that change.”
The school responded with a statement that reads, “Every team in BYU Athletics has had sessions related to belonging at the start of each athletic season since Whitney started in her position. On top of those yearly sessions with teams, there have been numerous initiatives from Athletics and the Office of Belonging on campus on various belonging topics.”
In March, Margraf said, the school asked her to record a video touting BYU as an inclusive environment for LGBTQ students. But on the day the video was recorded, Margraf said, a school official told her she couldn’t say the word “gay.’’
Margraf said she objected and ultimately was allowed to use the word — but the video was not posted on the school’s Instagram account as planned.
“It’s true that this video did not end up getting posted, but it was not because of the use of the word ‘gay,’ ” BYU Athletics said in a statement.
Holmoe responded to the dichotomy of a campus where LGBTQ romantic behavior is forbidden but Margraf was asked to record a video about the inclusive environment at the school, saying in a statement, “All students at BYU have a shared primary identity as sons and daughters of God. We welcome our LGBTQ student-athletes and are grateful for all those who choose BYU for its mission, as well as its academic and athletic opportunities.”
BYU stifles some students’ voices
Jon Stanley, a BYU volleyball player, has shared a similar story.
During an appearance on “The Queer Athlete Podcast,’’ Stanley said his coaches asked him to take down a social media post of an illuminated, rainbow-colored “Y” meant to call out BYU’s ban on same-sex romantic behavior. The “Y” also is a cherished symbol at BYU.
During his freshman year, Stanley said, his coaches also talked to him about a floral headband he wore and shirts or shorts that were considered inappropriately short.
“That hurt a lot,’’ he said.
Stanley, a redshirt senior, said he began to dress more conservatively and things improved.
The interview with Stanley on “The Queer Athlete Podcast’’ was taped in November 2021 but not published until October 2022.
Emma Gee, a bisexual former BYU runner who in 2018 became the school’s first athlete to publicly come out, launched the podcast in January to give current and past BYU athletes a chance to share their stories. She said she feared Stanley’s comments could create tension for him as he entered the 2022 season.
Stanley did not respond to interview requests made through Gee, email and social media.
But BYU Athletics said Stanley told them that Olmstead, the head coach of men’s volleyball, is one of the people Stanley has looked up to most during his five years at the school..
“Shawn has repeatedly told me directly and to the team as well, if we ever need help in life, school, relationships, etc., reach out to him and he will do whatever he can for/with us,” BYU Athletics said Stanley told them.
According to BYU Athletics, Stanley also said, “If there are people out there who believe Shawn is not an ally or someone who hates/is against those who are in the LGBTQ+ community, there is nothing further from the truth.”
Siragusa, the former BYU volleyball player, said when Olmstead objected to Stanley’s clothes Olmstead also mentioned clothes worn by Benjamin Patch, a gay volleyball player who was an All-American at BYU and graduated in 2017. Siragusa said Patch’s clothes were the butt of Olmstead’s jokes.
Patch, who plays professional volleyball in Germany, did not come out publicly as queer until 2020. But at BYU, Patch said, he broke social norms by wearing skinny jeans and earrings and bleaching his hair blonde.
Patch said Stanley has reached out to him on social media.
“I listened to that podcast (interview with Stanley) and was really hurting for Jon,’’ Patch said. “He laughed about some of those things but that laughter is not funny and a huge sign of trauma.’’
Patch said he never was subjected to homophobic behavior at BYU and thinks he was protected by his star status. But he also said he has been apprehensive about returning to the school.
“I’ve worked very, very hard to get to where I am now to feel really confident and safe as a person,’’ Patch told USA TODAY Sports. “And I think maybe some level of engagement with BYU, I don’t know, I’d be afraid that would bring up some kind of insecurity.’’
‘Benefits of appearing inclusive’
Gee, who left BYU in 2019, said she has monitored the situation from afar. Now, with her podcast, she remains committed to giving athletes a chance to tell their stories and continues to tell her own.
“I think kind of what we’re seeing going down is a private religious school that wants the benefits of appearing inclusive but without changing actual policy,’’ she said. “And the reason of not changing actual policy being that the school answers to The Church of Jesus Christ (of) Latter-Day Saints.
“The athletics department at BYU is the biggest part of the school that is at war with itself. They need to appear as inclusive as they can to get into bigger athletic spaces and therefore get more money and therefore support their student-athletes. So they need to look as inclusive as they can. But they can only be so inclusive.’’
