But What if It Was Already Gay: CALIFORNIA DIARIES – Geek Girl Authority

September 14, 2022 News Editor

“[ ] … but make it gay” is one of my favorite pastimes. Sure, it’s great to reimagine fairy tales and other classics through a queer lens. Sometimes, though, you’ll watch or read something and think … “Wait a second. This is so gay.” And oft times, it’s not our representation-starved imaginations playing tricks on us. That’s where But What if It Was Already Gay* comes in.

It’d be impossible to broach this topic without mentioning queerbaiting (a marketing tactic bad for your health!). However, I will try to keep most of the content discussed to media that was released at a time when it was riskier for creators to openly declare their characters gay.

The inaugural character whose gayness we’ll dissect is Ducky, from the California Diaries, who is the inspiration for this column.

*I’m using gay as a synonym for the 2SLGBTQ+ spectrum.

Background

The California Diaries is a Baby-Sitters Club spin-off series. While Ann M. Martin is credited as the author of both series, most were ghostwritten. Peter Lerangis and Nola Thacker ghostwrote Ducky’s books. So, what are the California Diaries, and who is Ducky?

You may or may not remember that Dawn from the Baby-Sitters Club was originally from California. In this spin-off series, she returns to California for 8th grade. Her friends are a group of 8th-grade gals and a 16-year-old boy, all of whom have A Lot of Problems.

If you’re wondering why 16- and 13-year-olds are hanging out without anyone batting an eye — me too. It was the ’90s? But also, they’re all in the same school because someone in the fictional town of Palo City decided to tack 8th grade onto high school.

That 16-year-old, Christopher “Ducky” McCrae, befriends the girls when one of them needs a chauffeur one night. Then, he pretty much becomes their Token Gay/Driver after that. He has his issues, though. His parents are forever out of the country, he can no longer connect with his two dude best friends and he’s got his own case of gayngst.

Ducky narrates three books in the series. The books are written in journal form, though Ducky’s aren’t in first-person but in second. It’s so gay — so much self-loathing and criticism.

Evidence

I suppose you could argue that Ducky is on the ace spectrum since he doesn’t indicate romantic/sexual desire throughout the series. That’s not my take, though; Ducky is too uncomfortable around and aware of boys to read as any sexuality other than gay. The only time he’s awkward around girls is when things get romantic.

I mean, Ducky gets very flustered around a “poet/jock” who comes by his work to buy a very telling trio of books.

But What if It Was Already Gay: CALIFORNIA DIARIES. Blank image with highlighted text: Shelved. Boxed Returns. Labeled boxes. Wheew. Poetry guy STILL there. Two books under his arm. Head buried in a third. You head in his direction to see who his poets of choice are. It's a mix. Whitman. Adrienne Rich. And Baudelaire.

Ducky Dairy #3
by Ann M. Martin

One of the first things Ducky does in his first book is to stave off any “OMG, you’re single on Valentine’s Day” and “not-normal-boy” vibes by giving everyone flowers. It’s clear the jocks around him think he’s queer, too; they use “kid-friendly” versions of the f-slur and tease him and his friend, Alex, mercilessly.

But What if It Was Already Gay: CALIFORNIA DIARIES: Highlighted text on white screen: "Instead of walking past a table of Cro Mags who STILL call out, "Do you have a flower for ME, Ducky?" and throw you kisses, which makes you vow to drop your milk shake all over them someday even though it may cost you your life."

Ducky Diary #1
Ann M. Martin

Speaking of Alex — that’s a relationship that rang familiar. Alex is one of Ducky’s two best friends from childhood. They’re now growing apart due to Alex’s depression. Their relationship screams platonic-but-not-exactly childhood friendship between two queermos.

But What if It Was Already Gay: CALIFORNIA DIARIES: Highlighted text on white screen: "What HAS Alex become? When I gave him that flower this morning -- nothing. No laugh, No wisecrack, no response at all. As if this kind of scene happened every day and he was bored with it. Alex the morph. This is NOT the Alex I grew up with. It's as if some alien ship came down ... "

Ducky Diary #1
Ann M. Martin

What has Alex become, Ducky, hmmmmm?

Before anyone @s me, of course, two guys can be friends, but the intensity with which Ducky worries about Alex feels more complex. A lot of Alex’s anger toward Ducky reads as him being angry that Ducky hasn’t got this figured out yet. Whether all that ferocity stems from the connection they feel from childhood, depression, queerness or some combination, I can’t say for sure.

But it’s different from how Ducky relates to his friend Jay, the now-jock. It only gets stronger in the second book when Alex’s depression gets so bad, and Ducky is the only person to see that Alex’s life is in danger.

Throughout the books, Ducky alludes to how he’s not like the other boys, wondering if he missed some critical memo. In his final book, Ducky ends up kissing his 13-year-old friend, Sunny (ew!), and he doesn’t feel what he thinks he ought to. The whole thing sends him into a (Duck) tail-spin. He asks himself, page after page, what’s wrong with him.

But What if It Was Already Gay: CALIFORNIA DIARIES: Highlighted text on white background: "I'm not very good at guy things. And I just don't get it. It's like all the other guys have this book of rules that someone forgot to give me. Or maybe I got the book, but some of the pages were left out. Or maybe I got a different book? Is there more than one book of how to be a hub? Like, guys are supposed to be cool. Not too emotional. Bored with girl things.

Ducky Diary #3
Ann M. Martin

I mean, the narrative ignores there are non-gay reasons a 16-year-old might not be attracted to a 13-year-old, but whatever.

But I think the most “damning” piece of evidence in the case of Ducky’s nominally ambiguous sexuality is a Twitter conversation between a fan and Lerangis himself. Unfortunately, most of the conclusive Tweets have been deleted. The tweeter states Lerangis did confirm it in her excellent analysis of Ducky being gay.

Verdict

Ducky’s gay. He’s one queer Duck(y). Obviously, in real life, none of these pieces of evidence make someone gay, but in fiction, they sure do.

Either what happened here is that the folx behind California Diaries couldn’t just come out (tee hee) and say that, or Ducky was so deeply in his own closet that he went to Narnia and returned.

Now make it gayer

This series would, by necessity, be supremely different if it had come out in 2022. I imagine the authors would have made the girls a bit older. Perhaps Ducky would be their friend in an extracurricular activity, or he’d be one of their siblings.

His queerness would either be a given and not the central theme to his story, or he’d figure it out by the end of the series. There’d be a compelling reason that he has yet to understand this about himself. Or, perhaps, he wouldn’t be questioning his sexuality but his gender.

In any case, rereading these books made me understand why Ducky was always my favorite. Which characters should I cover next? Who do you think was totally already gay?

Content warnings

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Melis Amber is a queer Turkish-American writer with a fondness for semicolons and the color yellow. They’re always down to discuss the lives and social impact of fictional characters.

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