‘As a gay Christian I’ve faced discrimination from both sides – but I will not lose my faith’ – Birmingham Live

‘God, change me or kill me,’ – this was the heartbreaking prayer of an 11-year-old Ben Whitehouse. Growing up in a strict evangelical Christian household, Ben felt his doubts around his sexuality were something to be ashamed of.

Every Sunday he’d hear gay people ‘condemned’ in church and lie awake at night, praying he’d wake up as somebody else. Fast forward 30 years, Ben is now an out and proud gay Christian – keen to help others struggling to find that fine balance between expressing their faith and sexuality.

But to this day, Ben admits he still feels like a ‘minority within a minority’ – with the current debates around issues like conversion therapy a stark reminder of the friction that still exists between LGBT and Christian communities. But Ben, aged 43 and from Digbeth – himself a survivor of conversion therapy – wants to use his story to show others that these two identities are not mutually exclusive – and that the church and the queer community have more in common than they might think.

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“Growing up within the evangelical community there was very little room for nuance,” says Ben. “I was told gay people went to hell and weren’t welcome in churches.

“I’ve been through conversion therapy twice – one was an exorcism and the other was a form of counselling. Had I been weaker in my personality, it would have been easy to go along with what they wanted. But I knew I didn’t want to change – I didn’t feel like my sexual desires were a mistake.”

Ben was shunned by his family when he came out to them at the age of 18. “My parents were very negative and hostile when I came out,” he said. “I had two options – either to leave my boyfriend of the time or leave the family home.”

Ben chose the latter, and facing an uncertain future, sought solace from members of his church congregation who helped him get back on his feet. Despite the hurt inflicted on him in the name of religion in the past, it’s this belief in the importance of ‘love and acceptance’ which has helped Ben keep his faith over the years.

“I remember one church service where they gave me all the money that was collected in the pot during communion. There was about £280 and a bus ticket from someone who wanted to give me something but had nothing else to give – it was such a beautiful and generous gesture.”

But Ben admits LGBTQ+ ‘accepting’ churches are still rare. “A lot of churches will say they are welcoming – but if they’re being really honest, they’re not,” he said.

“I’ll usually call a church before I visit to introduce myself – just in case there is a problem – and often I’m told to stay away. But there are lots of gay-affirming LGBTQ+ churches out there – I go to one in the Loft Lounge every Sunday.

“It’s not a gay church but an accepting space and a lovely community of people.”

Finding acceptance within the LGBTQ+ community means a lot to Ben, who admits certain members of the community are not always understanding of his faith. “I’ve always said it’s easier to come out as gay than to come out as Christian,” he said.

“It’s almost like being a minority within a minority – I don’t often wear my faith loudly and proudly because the shutters come down very quickly when people find out you’re a person of faith. People can’t understand why I would go to church because of all the pain and hurt that has been caused in the name of religion in the past.”

But Ben’s life has been one long journey in search of acceptance – and he is now in a position to help others navigate that same journey.

“I recently showed my mum the pictures from this year’s Birmingham Pride where I led the Mobilise group at the front of the parade. She told me how proud she was of what I was doing.

“There are so many beautiful young trans, queer people who are part of the church community – and while I can’t promise them everything will be okay – I hope my family’s story is proof that progress is possible.

“I tried for so long to keep these two parts of my identity separate – I’d be gay Monday to Saturday and then change into my church clothes on Sunday. But now, when I take communion, I do it fully as one person.

“And if I can help other people get to that point quicker than I did, that would be a beautiful thing.”

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