A decade after ‘I do,’ we revisit WA’s first legally wed gay couples – Crosscut
Ten years after their ceremony in Seattle, Emily and Sarah Cofer have noticed that reactions from their more conservative neighbors have changed dramatically in Arlington, a city about an hour north of Seattle in Snohomish County. People no longer take a long pause or look at them strangely when either of them say “my wife.”
“I’ve been teaching at the same school for 15 years,” Emily said of the slowly changing community, “and this is the first year that I’ve had a student with two moms.”
Ryan and Jeff, who celebrated their 10th anniversary with a spa date and dinner at Seattle’s Mamnoon restaurant, say that they’re encouraged that the recently passed Senate bill will protect all existing same-sex marriages. But they believe the U.S. still has a long way to go.
“Sometimes I worry that when we celebrate the progress we’ve made with same-sex marriage,” Dorion said, “we forget parts of the queer community that are very much in danger. I wish there was the same sense of urgency and acceptance around what’s happening with trans rights now.”
Justice Yu still stays in touch with Emily and Sarah, and they send each other Christmas cards each year. Yu said she was happy to see the Senate pass marriage legislation, but is disappointed it didn’t fully legalize marriage rights across the country. She notes that if the U.S. Supreme Court were to reverse the 2015 Obergefell decision that asserted a fundamental right to marry, the law would protect existing marriages but wouldn’t require states that haven’t passed same-sex marriage laws to grant them.
“It’s hurtful at one level because you recognize the limitations of the law,” Yu said, “Yet in Washington state you can’t help but celebrate.”
To Emily and Sarah, who’ve lived in Arlington for nearly 20 years, raising their daughter and being an example of what two loving moms can look like is critically important. When a new LGBTQ+ family moves into town or a teen coming out needs someone to talk to, they make a point to help out.
“We feel like things couldn’t change if we leave,” Sarah said. “We love this community, and we’ve had a lot of great experiences here.”
“I feel like sometimes people just need to know people,” she said of her more conservative neighbors. “And when they get to know you, they say: ‘Oh, wow, I really love you, so I guess this is all OK.’”