A call for basic human decency in Stonington – theday.com
Here is what I believe to my core: This country works best when we include everyone of all colors, religions, ancestries and orientations to learn with, play with and learn about each other.
How fortunate, indeed, that I’ve lived that through my work. An unintended, but nonetheless educational, byproduct of covering sports – particularly women’s basketball – for more than 30 years now has indoctrinated and enlightened me about the rhythms and concerns of the LGBTQ + community.
I’ve met, interviewed and socialized with many athletes and coaches who are gay or lesbian, written about Pride nights in many arenas and stadiums and have come to understand and appreciate what the Pride flag represents.
This is why I’ve been irritated for a few days now over the region’s latest cause celebre, the removal of Pride flags from classrooms in Stonington. I’m thinking: Lady Liberty might want to forsake her pose with the torch and instead belt a few souls upside the head with it. We’ve actually politicized the concept upon which this entire country was founded: inclusion.
Poor Emma Lazarus. Give us your huddled masses yearning to breathe free … just so long as they agree with the right and just political persuasion.
I’ve been trying to find the right words to convey my dismay. I’ve swung and missed. So I’m going to steal them from the Dominion Post, the newspaper in Morgantown, W.Va., where the same issue about Pride flags happened late last month in the schools.
“A Pride flag isn’t a political statement,” an editorial in the newspaper said. “Nor a religious one, which would violate separation of church and state. Nor a hateful one. It’s a humanitarian one.
“The problem is the incorrect conflation of the LGBTQ + community with a specific political party. Sexual orientation and gender identity are separate from political affiliation. They may influence one’s politics, the same way one’s race/ethnicity, religious affiliation (or lack thereof), socio-economic status, geographic location and lived experience influence one’s politics. But being LGBTQ — or being an ally — is not the sole purview of a single political party.
“There are plenty of registered Democrats who support LGBTQ + rights and/or are themselves part of the LGBTQ + community. There are plenty of Democrats who do not. There are plenty of registered Republicans who do not support LGBTQ + rights. But there are plenty of Republicans who do and/or are themselves part of the LGBTQ + community.
“So when teachers hang Pride flags, they are not signaling their politics; they are signaling their acceptance. They are saying, without words and without singling out any individual, ‘I see you, and you are safe to be yourself here.’”
(I’m pausing here to give the Dominion Post a standing ovation.)
How sad, though, that we’ve chosen to politicize the idea of acceptance. One thing I’ve learned from gay friends, acquaintances and people I’ve interviewed and written about: They’ve often lived and felt unsure of whether there was a safe place for them. A place to be themselves. And maybe it’s a classroom. Maybe it’s that one classroom that prevents that one kid from self-harm, substance abuse or suicide.
And the idea that we have turned basic human decency into something wretchedly political is nauseating.
Think about this: How many of us get up every day and don’t give the concept of acceptance a second thought? We’re accepted in our homes, our jobs, school, the coffee shop, gin mill and grocery store. It’s a given.
Except for the LGBTQ + community, it’s not.
Why is that so hard to understand and accept?
“The ability to opt out of suffering and injustice or pretend that everything is OK is the core of privilege,” author Brene Brown wrote in her book “Daring Greatly.” “Today, I choose not to acknowledge what’s happening around me because it’s too hard.”
Exactly what’s happening here. We politicize what we don’t understand because it’s easy, convenient and reflective of a new societal norm. Why bother learning about new things and new people when echo chambers are so welcoming?
Moreover, I hope other superintendents see Stonington’s Mary Anne Butler as a cautionary tale. Entertaining the whims of people whose fears have staged a coup d’état on their sense of decency often leads to the front page for all the wrong reasons. Remember: This happened because one parent complained.
This is a burgeoning problem in education. Somebody’s got to find the backbone to say the word “no.” Butler’s indulgence of a parent trying to politicize human decency deepened the morass.
The people of Stonington – and everywhere else – need to understand that in a society that can politicize a bake sale, basic human decency trumps any and all political statements.
But then basic human decency requires a world view that extends beyond one’s own backyard.
This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro