Jerrod Carmichael Says the ‘Secret Is That I’m Gay’ in New HBO Stand-Up Special – PEOPLE

Jerrod Carmichael is sharing his truth.

In his new HBO special, Rothaniel, the 34-year-old stand-up comedian comes out as gay. He taped Rothaniel in front of a live audience at the Blue Note Jazz Club in New York City in February.

The special includes stories from Carmichael’s family history, one of which was a story of how he learned that his father was unfaithful in his marriage.

“After that was out in the open, I was left alone feeling like a liar, because I had a secret,” he said in the special. “One that I kept from my father, my mother, my family, my friends, and you. Professionally, personally. And the secret is that I’m gay.”

There was a long pause of silence before the audience applauded Carmichael. “I’m accepting the love, I really appreciate the love. My ego wants to rebel against it,” he said in response to the audience’s reactions.

“I rebelled against it my whole life,” he continued. “I never thought I’d come out. I didn’t think I’d ever, ever, ever come out. Probably at many points I thought I’d rather die than confront the truth of that, to actually say it to people. Because I know it changes people’s — some people — it changes their perception of me. I can’t control that.”

Later he said, “I’m from an environment where I was kind of raised to be a man — whatever that means,” jokingly adding, “They don’t expect gay babies.”

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Carmichael has opened up about his sexuality in the past.

In his 2019 HBO special Home Video, Carmichael told his mother he has been intimate with men. “I’ve hooked up with dudes before,” he said to his mom.

Later addressing that conversation on The Breakfast Club, Carmichael said he wasn’t sure how his mother would react.

“I don’t want that to feel exploitative. Home Videos shouldn’t feel that, it’s like we [are] all playing and [if] we [are] all naked in this thing — then, we’re all naked in the thing,” he said. “And it’s my mom, and I was scared to see what she would think of it in that moment.”

Carmichael got his start within the Los Angeles stand-up comedy scene. After roles in 2014’s Neighbors and various TV shows, he created The Carmichael Show for NBC.

The semi-autobiographical sitcom, which ran for three seasons, was critically lauded. When it was canceled in 2017, Carmichael said he was “excited to go make other things.”

Carmichael is set to make his Saturday Night Live hosting debut on April 2.

Rothaniel premieres Friday at 9 p.m. ET. on HBO and will stream on HBO Max.